Why Blog?
I'm a 22 year college graduate, documenting the things in my life that I want to always remember. The big things, the little things, the crazy things, the everyday things. It gets a bit random at times, and sometimes I like to ponder on the craziness of life. There's nothing earth-shattering here, but I like to think it's all fun to read. Read, leave me comments, ask questions, enjoy.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Why?
Tonight I found out that one of the girls I was good friends with in preschool passed away. She's been in the ICU since MEA weekend, when she got in a severe four-wheeler accident. They had her in a medically induced coma for a while, but took her out. She was also on a ventilator, but they took her off that a couple of days ago, so that she could die on her own. I don't know much about Annette, other than the great memories I have from preschool with her, but her death has hit me really hard. I found out an hour ago, and I can't do anything but just sit. I can't sleep, that's for sure. Unfortunately, I have an eight am class tomorrow, and I have to get up early enough to shower and eat before it. I also have a test, in the class right after that, that I no longer feel prepared for. I just don't understand what God is thinking right now. In playing with the two girls, and hearing about the family from my mom, as they continued to bring their youngest two children to ABC, I know they are just a great family. They are very faith-filled, and this is such a huge blow. Annette was a beautiful high school senior, with the world in front of her. I just don't understand. If this could happen to her, it could happen to anyone. What about the next time my friend Jon goes surfing? What if he falls and cracks his head open and dies? What if Merideth goes home and takes a bad spill off her horse, and no one knows until it's too late? What if my brother gets in a car accident on his way to school, and I'm not there to take care of him? I have lost so many people already in my 18 short years of life, and I'm paranoid enough about losing more of them; then this has to go and happen. I'm so scared. I'm scared to let my friends out of my sight. I want to be with them all the time to make sure they're safe. Halloween is coming up, and with it lots of parties. What happens if my friends never make it home from those parties? What if I never get things straightened out with someone I care a lot about, but am having troubles communicating with right now, and I never see him again? Never hug him, look into his eyes, and tell him how much I care? I just don't know. I believe in God, and I trust Him, but things like this really confuse me....
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3 comments:
Hi Rach - sorry to hear about the death of your friend, it's never easy to hear about a young life being lost. There is definitely a lot in this world to try and make sense of - Maria asks me all the time "why did God make some people poor" and after volunteering at Feed My Starving Children she asked why there are starving people. Sometimes it's not the situation itself where God's purpose can be seen, but in how those in our World address it, the outpouring of love and generosity...
It's always a challenge to see how anything good could ever come of something so tragic and it's easy to ask, how could a loving God do this? I'm sure you'll experience a lot of different emotions and I can definitely understand your tendency to want to hold on tight to everyone in your life.
Hopefully your fears will be short lived and you'll be able to celebrate life (which I think you're pretty good at) instead of fear the possible loss of it. I guess the best we can do is make sure that those we love always know that - not only in the words we speak but in the way we treat them or simply allow them to be who they are, without exception. Not always easy to do but something to strive for I guess :)
Paul's cousin's dad just died on Friday and she hadn't spoken to him in years. Of course, now she has so much regret for not trying to make amends while she had the chance. Regret can be a terrible thing :(
I hope today is a better day for you and that you did well on your test, despite not feeling prepared.
Loving you,
Tesa
Dang, that was a long comment. Guess I got a little carried away.....sorry about that :) hehehe.
Tesa
Hey sweetie, what's wrong - besides the obvious heartache about Annette. I don't normally comment on facebook, but saw your note and decided you needed some good old advice from your favorite auntie (at least on THIS side of the family!) You cannot worry about things that may not ever happen. Even though I still worry about Katie driving and when Scott starts, I can't obsess over it because I would never get anything done except alot of crying - and I'd be crying for something that probably will never happen. Do you ever wonder why the 'truly good' people leave us so early? It's because they don't NEED more time here on earth to show their love and faith for God. They've achieved what they needed to in God's eyes. The rest of us haven't gotten that far yet - and even though we hope we DON'T get there for a long, long time, the reward for life is Heaven. Some enjoy their rewards sooner than the rest of us. Now, all that said, no one ever said life was fair. In fact, it often sucks! But you should realize that there are more good times than bad, more ups than downs, more smiles than frowns. I think you might be getting overwhelmed with school, activities, friends, family, fun, work, etc. You need to take a breather and take stock. Get a good nights sleep tonight(Tylenol PM if you can't do it on your own), eat a good breakfast and look for the good around you tomorrow. Life is sad, but it's also totally AWESOME. And you KNOW you can always call me (don't worry, I CAN keep secrets from your mom!!! :-]) Love ya!
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